Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
