mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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