She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
