Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
