I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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