So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
