it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
