I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
