If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
