i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
