His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
a search helicopter?!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
