duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
