If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize