I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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