why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
