Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
