Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
