So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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