I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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