I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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