I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize