i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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