this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
