I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
