I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
