She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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