new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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