Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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