A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
