I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
