You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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