Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
