did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
