I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
