Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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