I have demons in me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
