So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
