i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
