he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
