People with herpes should wear stickers.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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