I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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