i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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