She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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