i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
