he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
