yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
