No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
