I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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