Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
