I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
