Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
