I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
