oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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