My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
