so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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