craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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