A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
