He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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