i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
