She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
