Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize