why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
