If that was your dad, he is hot
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
