meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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