yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
