Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
