I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
