my mouth tastes like poor choices
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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