I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
