Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
