this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
